See something, say something, that’s a great saying that can keep people safe, but it may not always be realistic in practice, especially with children. Earlier this month, an 11 year old Virginia boy was suspended from school because he waited two hours to report a bullet that his classmate had shown him. The sixth grader said that he waited to report it anonymously because he perceived the bullet as a threat. Now, over the objections of his parents, school officials at St John the Apostle Catholic school maintain that the boy’s one and a half day suspension was necessary to reinforce a culture of safety. The Virginia Beach school also issued the classmate the exact same suspension with school shootings a frequent occurrence in the United States. I completely understand the school’s concerns here, as their lawyer said, failure to report a safety concern affects the safety of everyone in the school at the same time, just as children shouldn’t be forced to endure gun violence at school. They shouldn’t be punished as bystanders who are afraid to speak up.

Punishing children will backfire in so many ways, but before I dive into that, I must say it is not lost on me that the Catholic Church is punishing someone for failing to speak up about misconduct that is rich, but back to backfire. Punishing a child for waiting to report another child for having a bullet does not send a message that encourages other kids to come forward immediately. No, it sends a message that it’s better to stay silent as you’ll otherwise be punished if you speak up, this school is missing the mark. Everything cannot be corrected through a penal approach. As they say, bees are more attracted to honey than vinegar. To that end, perhaps expressing gratitude to the child for coming forward, or maybe even offering a reward, will make it more likely that kids speak up immediately in the future, fear is not a conducive way of getting a child to speak, even if a reward is off the table, children will speak when they do feel safe in doing so, and it’s on us adults to create a safe environment, and I can tell you that no one feels safe children or adults when they feel threatened with punishment. Also trying to compel children to report immediately is asking them to do something that adults are not even willing to do. Research confirms that the vast majority of adults who suffer violence do not report it to police ever, let alone immediately. According to a report released by the Bureau of Justice Statistics in 2023 around 60% of violent crimes are not reported to authorities, and even in the workplace, very seldom do adults report bullying and harassment. So why would we expect children who are not even teenagers yet to have the courage to report a peer who they believe is threatening them? Give me a break. Our society puts far too much of a burden on children and then punishes them for responding like children. Kids should get to experience as much of the whimsical aspects of childhood as they can. They shouldn’t have to do annual school shooter safety drills or grapple between whether to finish a test or go file a report with the principle kids should not be compelled to take on the responsibilities of adulthood, to fix problems that we adults created, like access to guns. It’s one thing to expect children to say something if they see something, and it’s another thing to punish them for failing to speak when they’re scared. We need to create environments where they know that they can come forward and that they feel safe and comfortable in doing so let’s let kids be kids and as adults. Let’s make a better effort to keep the kids safe you.