![In a world where everyone has an opinion about everything, the etiquette for navigating awkward conversations is fraught with pitfalls.](https://san.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/image-91.jpg?w=1280)
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I read an article the other day in New York Magazine about the “New Rules” of etiquette – including making tipping your extravagance (yes, concur) and “no name-dropping celebrity nicknames” – he may be Bobby to you, but let’s call him Robert DeNiro in polite company.
One topic the article didn’t cover, to my consternation: How to gracefully navigate a world in which everyone has an opinion, and wants to tell you that yours Is wrong.
I know the pandemic’s effects are still making themselves known, and we’re all still in the process of remembering how to function in restaurants and on planes and such – but what I’m talking about is basic, straightforward human communication. Small talk, if you will.
The conversational landscape is a fraught one, these days. The etiquette surrounding not talking about things like politics – or money, or, trans athletes, or even who uses what bathroom when using which body part – has dissolved, and in many ways that’s a positive thing. We’re saying the quiet parts out loud. But this increased willingness to communicate one’s views seems to go hand-in-hand with a total belief in their absolute, factual accuracy. And the vastness of topics that politics have seeped into have left seemingly everyone with an opinion on seemingly everything.
The other day, I struck up a conversation in a nail salon with a woman who referred to the pandemic as a “plandemic.” It took me a minute to follow what she was getting at, but by then another woman a few seats down was already warning her (maybe us?) to watch what we say around here. To be clear, I had no horse in this race; I just wanted to get my nails done. I went with Ferrari Red, by the way.
Another example: At my child’s scout meeting, I got into a conversation about vaccines – just a bad idea across the board, but it wasn’t my choice – with a couple of parents who were medical professionals. But they were anti-vax. And – I think – anti-Ukraine. So pro Russia? And also very into wellness, and all of this was way too much for me to follow.
So what does a person who does not want to get into the minutiae of politics over a quick polish change do? I think Step 1 has to be: Assume you don’t really know what the person you’re talking to has been through. They could be coming off a nice long chat about Chinese spy balloons with their Aunt Gwendolyn, or have just read an article that’s gotten them – rightly or wrongly – fired up, they could be grieving a loss. Or they could be going through their own personal issues that you have no idea about.
Step 2? If you have the emotional bandwidth, I find that asking questions always works. If you want to engage and share your own opinions, sure, but from the standpoint that your conversational companion may not be up for a listen. And when all else fails? Just do what I did at the scout meeting: Say, “you know, that’s interesting, but I don’t really follow politics.” And then, if you’re me, cross your fingers and hope they don’t google you.
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