Commentary
-
Our commentary partners will help you reach your own conclusions on complex topics.
It’s official “gaslighting” is Merriam-Webster’s official Word of 2022. The word originated from the 1944 film Gaslight, but only entered the modern lexicon in the mid-2010s, so I thought it was worth taking a moment to explain what gaslighting is, what it’s not, and why people are so g-d irritated by the word.
According to Merriam-Webster, gaslighting is psychological manipulation that “causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator.”
In short, it’s when someone makes you feel like your understanding of reality is false, with detrimental consequences. Which is more than just a lie – it’s not saying “It’s raining” when it’s sunny; it’s saying “you may think it’s sunny, but that’s only because you have such terrible eyesight you can’t even see the raindrops,” despite the fact that you know you can see perfectly well.
Some ways that gaslighting can be employed by abusers:
- Withholding – when the abuser pretends not to understand the victim
- Trivilalizing – when the abuser makes the victim feel that his or her needs or thoughts aren’t important
- Mislabeling – telling the victim that, say, what reads to them as ‘abuse’ is merely ‘protection’
- Countering – calling into question a victim’s distinct memories
- Forgetting – when the abuser pretends to forget incidents – a promise, say – that have factually occurred.
More examples: a parent telling a child repeatedly that they are “too sensitive” to get them to stop expressing difficult emotions, stereotyping the goals of an entire group as “crazy,” or even a medical professional telling a patient experiencing pain that it’s all “in their head.”
Generally speaking, gaslighting occurs within unequal power dynamics – but is, notably, not just simple disagreement, in that one party is actively manipulating the other, and usually over an extended period of time.
When somebody is trying to convince you of their beliefs, or even influence you, this is not gaslighting – but if they are trying to skew your perception of reality to suit their own ends – for example, repeatedly telling you that you are reacting irrationally to their problematic actions, to the point where you are beginning to wonder if you are, despite evidence to the contrary – it very well might be.
Detractors of the term argue that it is used too broadly – thereby diluting the word’s power and the practice’s very real impact on victims. Which, yes. On the most recent season of Bachelor in Paradise I saw an entire relationship break down due to a disagreement about whether itching and pain are the same thing, during one of the parties cried “gaslighting,” and…just…no.
Gaslighting is real, and it is insidious, and it is one of the most common ways for abusers to perpetuate harm. I do personally think that the term is overused in a social context, but, like “emotional labor” – another of my personal faves – I also believe that giving victims greater access to a word they can use to finally understand their situation can have incalculable benefits.
Oh, one of Merriam-Webster’s other top words was “loamy,” thanks to – apparently – a wrong Wordle answer. Loamy means “full of rich soil.” Now you know. You’re welcome.
-
Trump wastes no time marginalizing vulnerable communities
On Jan. 20, President Trump gave an inaugural speech after starting his second term, promising to bring the U.S. into a “golden age” and saying he wanted to be remembered as a “unifier.” After that speech, Trump signed 26 executive orders over the rest of Inauguration Day alone, some of them highly controversial and divisive,… -
LA needs your help, not your political commentary
It’s been one week since a series of wildfires began in Los Angeles, California that has since claimed at least 25 lives and forced at least 92,000 residents to evacuate. Firefighters estimate that they’ve still only contained as little as 17% of the Palisades Fire, and warn that very high winds might continue feeding the… -
What will Melania do in Donald Trump’s 2nd administration?
For generations, U.S. presidents‘ first ladies have had the opportunity to make significant contributions to American society. Abigail Adams advocated for women’s rights, while Eleanor Roosevelt championed civil rights. Betty Ford and Rosalynn Carter brought attention to substance abuse and mental health awareness. Hillary Clinton worked on health care reform, and Michelle Obama led health… -
Prepare for the public debate on assisted suicide
Assisted suicide is a controversial new subject in political debates around the world. Modern medical technologies enable humans to end their own lives quickly and painlessly, with dignity and on their own schedule, which advocates say is often a better option than spending many years suffering in debilitating pain from terminal, uncurable illnesses. Two-thirds of… -
Comedy is a bastion of Democratic strength
“Saturday Night Live” responded to President-elect Donald Trump’s reelection with satirical support, with actor James Austin Johnson insisting that the cast and crew had supported him for years, that they had all voted for him, and proclaiming: “…[Trump is] going to make an incredible president and eventually king.” Another cast member added: “We can’t wait…
Latest Opinions
-
State AGs sue Trump admin over federal funding freeze, judge issues pause
-
Sec. Hegseth to remove security detail, clearance for retired Gen. Milley: Report
-
Sen. Gary Peters won't run for reelection in Michigan
-
Denver mayor criticizes Trump’s immigration policy on sensitive locations
-
Two blockbuster WNBA trades shake up off-season; Griner signs with Dream
Popular Opinions
-
In addition to the facts, we believe it’s vital to hear perspectives from all sides of the political spectrum.