I’ve never been on trial for multiple felonies. Or even one felony! But I have to assume that were I to suddenly find myself in the center of a major legal battle – not to mention the attendant media firestorm – that I’d have someone other than my attorneys present. Like, say, my family? Like…one of them? 

Admittedly, court can be a time suck – especially when you’re facing nearly a hundred counts against you. I’d much rather drink cocktails on the beach in Florida – or whatever those crazy kids get up to – as well. But it is still notable that not a single one of the Donald’s family members – not his wife, not his beloved daughter and son-in-law, not his less-beloved-but-nevertheless-intensely-loyal sons…nobody has shown up to support their patriarch. 

Oh wait, I’m sorry. The wildly charming and erudite media darling Eric Trump – Donald’s obvious appointee as Least Favorite Child, Except Maybe Tiffany – apparently heard all the kerfuffle about how Trump’s family wasn’t supporting him in court, and showed up. Once. 

Which makes it even more interesting just how often Trump is referencing his family, from the photo he posted of himself with his grandchildren to his claim that the judge was preventing him from attending his son Barron’s graduation to his complaints that he couldn’t celebrate Melania’s birthday with her in Mar-a-lago because of his unfortunate tendency to commit crimes. 

“I wish I could be with my lovely wife on her birthday,” Trump wrote, “but instead, a CROOKED prosecutor has me STUCK IN A COURTROOM.”

Does anyone actually think that he was desperate to go to these events? And truly, do we think Melania is dying to spend her big day in the company of the husband whom she’s neglected to support during these troubled legal times? I also find it highly unlikely that Barron would be super psyched about inviting a full-on sideshow into his graduation, but…who knows. 

Maybe Trump is just a fabulous dad and partner, and is just too humble to let us see that side of him. It could be. Right? 

What Trump is doing here is obvious: Aside from being just one more thing for him to whine about – witch hunt, crooked judge, et cetera – and one more point to fundraise on – because yes, he’s definitely citing these issues in fundraising emails…he’s bringing up these so-called “family obligations” in order to position himself as a family man. 

Trump is currently on trial for using campaign funds to pay off a porn star that he slept with when he son was an infant and then paid $130,000 in hush money to. We’re also hearing about his affair with Playboy model Karen McDougal, some of which allegedly took place while Trump’s wife was pregnant. 

It’s not a cute look, and not exactly in line with those American family values the far right likes to tout. 

Now, sure, it could be that they’re busy. It could be that they don’t want to get involved. Or it could be that, you know, maybe their relationships with him were transactional, and it’s a lot less fun chilling in a courtroom than in the White House.